From Cassius Comics

#1

(September 2005)
"Episode One"
Frank Miller (writer), Jim Lee (pencils). Cover by Lee.

Featured Characters- Batman (Bruce Wayne), Dick Grayson, John Grayson, Mary Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Vicki Vale.

Summary-Socialite Vicki Vale is invited by Bruce Wayne on a date to see a circus show, headlined by an incredible family of acrobats dubbed The Flying Graysons, the youngest of which has caught Wayne’s eye. All of a sudden, things turn tragic- John and Mary Grayson are shot and killed right in front of their son Dick (as well as thousands of witnesses, who do absolutely nothing). Bruce springs into action as The Goddamn Batman and captures the killer, but he’s too late to keep Dick from being abducted by the crooked Gotham City Police Department. Vale commandeers Wayne’s luxury car, and along with his loyal butler Alfred, she doggedly pursues the cops. Though she might not be able to save Grayson from the cops (or even overly concerned with trying), but she’ll at least get photos of whatever felonies the cops commit…presumably to sell them to a tabloid or something.

The cops pull off into the woods, but before any nasty business goes down, they’re mobbed by hundreds of bloodthirsty bats. The cops ditch Grayson and run for cover in their squad car, but as soon as they’re in, Batman plows into it with his Batmobile, apparently killing them all. Grayson is traumatized, but the ever-considerate Batman grabs him around the throat, and wrenching him off the ground, announces to Grayson that he’s "just been drafted. Into a war." Oy.

Comments- Besides having one of the most horrible, run-on titles of all time, All Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder is also one of the most polarizing books on the shelf. Some say it’s horrible. Others say it’s grand parody, sheer genius. I tend to take the middle ground- ASB&RtBW is clearly intentionally bad, but not ironic or funny enough to be worth reading. Frank Miller is one of the best comic writers of all time, but he’s also known for doing some pretty weird things. Batman: Year One was phenomenal. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns was good- groundbreaking for sure, but certainly not without its flaws. The Dark Knight Strikes Again was over the top and gaudy, with none of the wit and charm of the other two stories. All-Star... is nothing but a cash grab- a cynical attempt to shoehorn Batman into Sin City, and pass off the resulting creative abortion as a supposedly clever parody. Clearly, there’s a market for a sociopath Batman that murders police officers, spouts misogynistic claptrap and forces a traumatized child to eat rats for his own amusement. Many people enjoy this title- needless to say, I’m not one of them.

That said, this comic has one major redeeming quality, that being Jim Lee’s incredible pencils. Lee was born to draw Batman comics…well, that and sexy women, which explains the excessive fan-service this issue, which sees Vickie Vale prancing around in skimpy lingerie for five straight pages. Nice.

The Bigger Picture- In the following issues, Batman slaps Grayson, insults him and refuses to feed him, telling him to eat the rats in the Batcave or starve. After Alfred gives Grayson clean clothes and food, Batman attacks him as well. As a result, Grayson becomes an equally psychotic partner to Batman, beating Green Lantern half to death before being pulled off of him. Truly, the feel good story of the year.

Final Rating- 2/10